Trust, Faith, Endurance

Life, like everything and everyone else loves nothing more than throwing you curve balls. #1- You learn to swerve and duck and avoid this shit.

#2- You take everything with a pinch of salt and wait for the worst to pass.

#3- You learn that you don't have to go through this alone and are permitted to seek help.

If you picked #1, than you adapt fast and learn from past mistakes to avoid future mishaps. But it also makes you a fence sitter who mostly will be unwilling to get involved in situations that you would have to choose sides. Sounds like a pretty carefree life but it sometimes gets complicated as not taking a side will also get you into trouble and get shot in the cross-fire.

#2 is the optimistic choice. However, it gets a bit irritating in the long run as you just wait for a silver lining and be a push over to the hurdles thrown at you. A give and take agreement does accomplish a win-win situation though. So, 50-50? 

#3- probably the best advise people will give you. To be honest, no matter how strong you are, the emotions that you keep bottled up and gonna overflow sooner or later. If you've got trust issues well, let's face it. You trust blindly everyday whether you like it or not. Trusting a cab driver to deliver you safely, the people who handler your food and even down to the little things such as trusting that people know right from wrong and have a conscience. But like everything in life, one must know how to balance everything. It's OK to rely on others for support but not to the extent that you become reliant on them.

They say that trust is tough to build and easy to break, and that's where faith comes in. Faith you could say is blind trust. With these 2 things in the bag, all that's left is endurance to run the race and not give up even though you get all muddy and bloody and your legs feel they can support you no more.  

Childhood........... Tainted?!

The Disney Renaissance- a period in which many of us remember well as the days when princesses such as Belle, Aurora, Cinderella, Snow White and Jasmine filled every girl's imagination with the hopes of a happy ending, when we thought that our toys came to life at night thanks to Toy Story, when we believed that a lion, a meerkat and a warthog could co-exist without territorial dispute and to be honest, we all remember the lyrics from the song 

"When You Wish Upon A Star".

No doubt that these cartoons inspired kids to believe in their dreams and that good always triumphs over evil and all other positive values such as do not lie, don't let strangers into the house, the value of friendship and so on. However, watching it again now one cannot help but question every single detail that we missed as kids (in our innocent stage). 

1. Are the characters all high?   
In Bambi, its only natural that a new-born faun is curious and wants to know more about it's surroundings. But it does edge towards the retarded side when he can't catch on even after making the same mistakes several times over. Flower the skunk on the other hand passes himself of as a someone who got his meds mixed up with his blank expression (which is actually him being shy) and constant giggles at well, nothing. 

2. Racism? 
Noticed that in Aladdin the protagonist all have western accents and the antagonist speak with middle-eastern accents and have middle-eastern features? 

Tangled!

If I were to use an object to symbolise life, it would be a spider web. We've all heard the phrase "a web of lies" many times but in my opinion, "the web of life" is also an appropriate use of the metaphor. 

Like a spider weaving its web in the best chosen location. One that is strategically chosen so that it is protected and also assures that insects will get trapped in it to ensure the spider's survival. We as human beings also possess natural survival instincts although it may have been dulled through years of evolution and revolution of the world we live in. 

We build our lives on the grounds that we feel comfortable and put up invisible walls of defenses that provide us with a sense of security and personal space. We may not be able to choose the situations or positions that we are born into, but we weave our own paths and directions of our choosing with the belief that it would lead to a better future and also secure ourselves with the outcome we subconsciously hope for. 

Why a web you might ask? Why not building blocks or something more concrete? Simply because like a web, all things are connected in life. Though its strands might go round and round and connect themselves to different routes, all paths eventually lead to the center of the web and that center represents oneself. And like a spider's web that falls apart and breaks many times, we mend the broken corners and holes of life that are left by others or self made without fail regardless of how many times we have to repeat the process and with each mishap, we become stronger and wiser individuals by learning from our mistakes and not let hardships pull us down and keep us there.

In short, no matter where life leads us, we will always find a way back to the path we were meant to take and will always bounce back from the falls caused by curve balls that life throws at us. 

Sanctuary

Is there a place that you call sanctuary? Your secret escape that only a few or non know about? A place where you feel safe. For some this might be a place you call home, for others it might be an island that only mermaids go to. 

In this sanctuary what will there be? A comfortable bed which I can snuggle up in, a boom box to let me escape into a world of music. Why a boom box? Well, simply because a radio is too mainstream. 

Why do I need a sanctuary you ask. Because in this world of insecurities and hectic lifestyles, one does need one's own quiet little corner to chill and unwind. 

Looking out from my space I see the world just spinning by. Everyone playing their everyday roles. A father- breadwinner, husband, guardian, protector who's everyday's repetitive rituals has caused him to loose his youthful and energetic demeanor. What he does now is no longer driven by passion but by his responsibility and duty. On the surface the mailman is nothing more than a insignificant figure who delivers mail. But look closely and you'll be an individual who sees all and hears all. His insignificance in the community makes him invisible. You might stereotype him as a person with little to offer, but he might just be happier than you. 

Detaching myself from the world inside my own little corner, allows me to see the world in a different perspective. Think about it, imagine that you are a ghost and nobody knows about your presence. Like watching a basketball game with a bird's eye view. You can see every possible outcome of people's decisions, what might hit them from their blindside, who'd box them in and so on. 

But the one thing you realise after watching all this. That no matter what the outcome might be, may it be good or bad; life goes on. 

Who Am I?

Who are you? Who am I? A life long question that we tend to ask ourselves all our lives. Trying to spend most of the time figuring out our roles and our places in life.

Who am I? On the surface, I am my parent's child, my sister's sister. I am but a normal person who walks the same streets as many ordinary people, for I am myself ordinary. In a mere 21 years, I have seen the world changing through the works of revolutionist. I am but a person, drifting through life. 

On the inside, that's what I keep hidden. My hidden-self if you would. The weird side, the inner geek in me that prefers a comic book store instead of a candy shop. The one who thinks roses and candlelight dinners are a waste of time and money and the perfect date would be at a boxing ring. Fun as that may seem, the inner reaches of me is a dark place. A place where negative thoughts, fantasies and memories are kept hidden within my "Pandora's Box", only to leak out from time and causes PMS. 

Still ongoing a journey of self discovery which the horizon seems so far away. Through many trials and tribulation but also discovering a few oasis are found during this journey. But for now, who am I? I am my own individual character who is a mixture of quirky, unique, one of a kind, and downright psychotic. 

“You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.' 

'That's why animals are so soft and huggy.” 

It's normal for kids to have imaginary friends, but what about a kid who personifies his stuffed tiger in a way that readers get to see his toy the way he sees it (although other characters see him as only a toy)? Calvin and Hobbes are the dynamic duo that really pushes and shows how unique and wild a child's imagination can be without being restricted. 

Although somewhat cynical and sarcastic at times, the comics provides good reads as it is light and enjoyable to read. Exploring the wild and imaginative mind of Calvin with Hobbes acting as his subconscious dual nature.  

Calvin in the series  portrays classic symptoms of hyperactivity, narcissism and an overactive imagination. His IQ might also most likely be above average as he shows intelligence through very sophisticated and bombastic vocabulary for a kid his age. Hobbes somehow acts as his alter ego in my opinion because he is more cynical and more of a party-pooper (or down to earth). 

The entire comic series shows a bunch of dysfunctional characters. Calvin, who is smart and wild but also shows his inability to be nice to people and thinks everyone is below him (although he is show to be compassionate and emotionally vulnerable). His parents also are shown to be quite fed up with him at times and at times, try to deny him as their son due to his weird and outlandish behavior.  Classic example of today's society in which children's creative and unorthodox imaginations are squishes, restricted and labelled as a deviance to fit the norms of today.

In conclusion, Calvin & Hobbes is a comforting read as we are able to relate and it brings back memories of how carefree and wild our imaginations used to be without the restrictions of logic and common sense. It also brings back a sense of nostalgia as we get a glimpse back into our childhood in which we played outdoors and creating and acting to weird and crazy storylines with the neighborhood kids instead of being glued to electronics and virtual realities. 

Convergence Through Art

An art gallery, not what you'd typically find in a shopping complex but it is in my opinion a great location as shoppers get to kick back and relax and enjoy the artworks of not so renowned local artists.

 Convergence is the current collection now on display at the Petronas Gallery in KlCC. This collection showcases of the growth and expansion on Malaysia's oil and gas industry (or so it says on the brochure at the entrance) Big waste of space and time in my opinion. I mean, who'd wanna go look at paintings of oil and gas? (I was skeptical of the bayan tree root on the cover of the brochure too). However, what you'd expect inside was nothing like what I imagined it to be. 

The collection of artworks displayed in the gallery weren't that of oil rigs and such, but rather tranquil pieces of landscapes painted on canvas with water colours that really helped make it seem more dreamy. Like little glimpses into the past that churns your nostalgic side. The hidden meaning behind it expresses the relevance of the old traditions and values that should be applied in the current economy. 

Although the gallery might not be The Louvre or Madam Tussauds that houses the artworks of world famous pieces by big-shot artists, but it does give off an air of accomplishment. And a feeling of gladness to know that the ways and values of the past are still unforgotten. This exhibition has touched me in a way and also indirectly reminded me of the more carefree days living away from the big city. 

Green Eggs & Ham

"Do you like green eggs and ham?"

Ask that to any child and they'd either give you a disgusted look or nod enthusiastically at the idea of consuming green food. 
In the book, the character Sam-I-Am consistently pesters another unnamed character to sample his dish of green eggs and ham. The other however declines the offer. (It probably didn't look appetizing and just plain weird in my opinion) 
However, the persistent Sam-I-Am chases the other character around insisting that he try his dish. Going to the extent to ask if he would like to try it in different location and with different animals. 

And when he finally gives in to Sam-I-Am and samples the green eggs and ham, he finds out that he has taken fancy to the dish and likes it. 

Although the story screams desperation in Sam-I-Am's case, it reflects the persistent behavior of a child to encourage others to try their "masterpieces". Not only children, but also people of all ages to attempt to get others to try their creations and sample new things. 
The unnamed character reflects our hesitation to try new things (or weird looking things) as we have the assumption that we would not like it, before we have even tried it. 

To be honest, we've watched food enthusiast travel all around the world sampling unique (and sometimes disgusting) cuisine. Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Zimmers, Samantha Brown etc.. And watching them eat the food of the locals, we've all gone "EEEEWWW!" 

Dr.Suess amazingly manages to portray human's reluctance to accept change and things that deviate from the norm of society in this short story that uses simple english. Things that are usually tossed aside or blocked out just because it looks different. How many times have we shaken our heads or turned down an offer just because its outer appearance looks different from what we had imagined it to be? 
Maybe if we had given it a shot, like the unnamed character in the end, we would've found out that we shouldn't have judges a book by its cover (or food by its colour) and that we would have enjoyed it. 

Overall, a good read as the whimsical illustrations of coloured food and comical tone makes it all the more enjoyable.  

Twirls & Swirls

The glass of burgundy elixir seems oh so tempting, the siren like calls of fire water. They seduce me sweetly in the darkness of night. But I should know better. These demons tempt me so that time passes without me knowing, my actions unaccounted for. I have lost count to how many times I have woken up in a bed that is not mine, a stranger lying next to me. Rituals I must perform everyday to satisfy my cravings for their sweet yet burning sensation, to satisfy my ever longing for the taste of them on my tongue. 

Nobody understands me, why I do the things I do. The people whom I call my parents shun me, they claim I am one under a spell. But I know better than to fight these compulsions. The more I do, the sicker I become, like the demon inside me is being exorcised and my mortal body becomes collateral damage. I can never stay committed in a relationship. People either leave me or the same elixir that we both crave claims their lives.

Problems arise at work. Whispers of my so called "habits" echo around the office. Whenever I walk into a room, silence followed by hush whispers among those who think they are better then me. Well, they can take their 'holier-then-thou' attitude and shove it up each other's ass! 

The stash I keep under my bed I keep well hidden. No one can know where they are, or they will take it away from me. The effects are leaving me as well. Nightcaps have little effect, I require more to get to the point of euphoria, sips are what ladies in the Victorian era take.

The logical side of me forces me to go for weekly rehab meetings. The bunch of them pathetic bunch sit around and confess their problems to the counselor whom they have mistaken for a priest. That so-called priest is a wolf in sheep's clothing- a wife beater. The 12 steps I have climbed and have fallen off the wagon each time. Not because I am weak, but because the world seems so much more at peace when I am not myself. 

After each meeting, I return to my bottle. The mantra we chant each week echos through my thoughts : 

"God give me serenity to accept things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

And I am forced to admit to myself that- I am  incomplete without my aqua vitae. I, am an alcoholic. 

Of Butterflies And Hurricanes

As the saying goes- when a butterfly flaps its wings, a hurricane forms on the other side of the world.

In accordance to the Butterfly Effect in chaos theory states that the sensitive dependence on initial conditions, in which a small change at one place in a deterministic nonlinear system can result in large differences in a later state. In simple words, a seemingly insignificant point of divergence in a storyline results in a significantly different outcome than what would had happened without the divergence. 

Now, apply that theory into your life. Think about it, every action you take, every decision you make has different outcomes. For example, all your classmates have made the decision to come to school for classes. But you on the other hand, decided to sleep in and skip school that day. And on that day, there was a gas leak and half the people in school were killed in the explosion! From one point of view, the decision to sleep in saved your life, but on the other hand, you've lost half your friends. Some of which you could've saved if you were there to help out. Either way, that one insignificant decision has made a huge impact on your life and maybe even your outlook on it. 

Change in life is not always easy, but it is essential. Just as small decisions that mean nothing to us may mean the world to someone else. To change our stories, we must be willing to accept change and realise that every action has an not always equal and opposite reaction. 

At the end, we look back and ponder- which bridges should have been burnt and which were the ones to keep? Which doors should we have shut, which should have been kept open? Surely either decision would've made a difference. 

But the question that will always linger on the forefront of our minds- How much of a difference? Would the flapping of our butterfly's wings have caused a hurricane, or would it have caused a mere ripple on the surface of the water? 

Flipbooks

Staring at life, wondering if its all a dream. Every action we take I wonder- is it all a dream? Or are we acing upon free will?

Imagine your life turning like the pages of a flip book. Each action taken is caused by the different drawings sketched into each page. Each synchronizing in perfect timing and creating momentum to your life. Every decision you make leads you down a different road and takes you to where you are today.  

But then do you start to question yourself and your decisions? Whether the ones you've made have been the right ones. What about the opportunities you gave up? The paths you chose not to take? Where would you be now if you had made that one different decision in life? What would the drawings in your flip book be like? 

As each of us have our own flip books to create, each of us living different scenes in life. Life really is like a flip book, and we are the artist of what goes in. But think about it this way, if we were to view our lives flip through like the pages of a flip book, what will we see? 

The Road Not Traveled

Standing at a forked road, not knowing which to take. One seems so familiar, and the other full of surprises. The first you think "hey, its the most practical choice", and the second "it'll take me on the most amazing adventure, but not know how and where you'd end up". 

The first road gives you deja vu of someone you helped a long time ago, who'd stay with you through thick and thin. A comfortable choice. The second, the feeling of a whirl wind romance that sweeps you off your feet. It ignites passion and let's you throw caution into the wind. 

Which would you choose? And where will you end up? Will we still be able to look back and smile? Or will the past be forgotten? 

Floating

I feel weightless. My feet touch the ground but somehow I know that it is irrelevant. I am not bounded by the laws of gravity. Each step is light, like fairies prancing on flower petals.

I look around, absorbing my surroundings. Inhaling the mixture of ammonia from sweat and other chemicals that burn my nostrils. People too absorbed in their own little world, in that little cubicle of invisible walls the surround themselves with and call it "personal space". 

The images I see swirls. Like psychedelic drugs have flooded my system. The moment I seem to find my footing, I am thrown off balance again. Something is wrong. I feel my hands clenching something but when I look down, they are empty. Anxiety builds up, as I turned around to figure out what is the source of this strange  sensations, that's when I realised... 

To see yourself from another person's point of view. Like starring at a mirror. And thats when you wake up and realise- "SWEET JESUS! Out of body experience!"

Blast Of The Past

Not the genre that you'd hear being blasted on the radio stations, but a great song nonetheless. 

With lyrics cursing the birth of digital clocks and the near extinction of the old-school analog clocks and add in a mixture of sarcasm from the artist, this song definitely tops my song list this week! 

Ever since clocks went digital and factory made, the art of clocksmithing has decreased dramatically. Clocksmiths now rarely make the clocks but merely act as repairmen. Thinking about it, I do miss the chimes  of the old grandfather clock that once rang through my grandparent's house whenever a new hour struck, and all the beautifully crafted analog clocks that were displayed during the Christmas season.

Sadly, it is not only the analog clock that has been replaced by a digital version. Nowadays, rarely do we see photo printing shops that have a dark room for film development. Phonographs that play vintage records have also been kept away into storage or sold in antique stores as home decorations. On an easier note to relate on, how many of today's generation know what the first Nintendo Gameboy looks like or the names of the first 151 Pokemon? (I'm proud to say I still do remember) 

Call me a geek or a dork if u must, but sometimes the old stuff carries more nostalgic value even if compared to the wonderful advancements of technology of this day and age. 

Visionaries would tell you that the only way to go, is forward. Agreed. However, should we forget the memories of yesteryear's? Me thinks not.